Same-Sex Divorce- A Real Conundrum

If you thought same-sex marriage was a challenge, wait until you hear about the same-sex divorce conundrum. Ending the marriage that was difficult to get done in the first place ends up being far more complicated. As this is writing, the effectiveness of the pro-gay movement sympathetic to same-sex couples marrying or divorcing seems to be mixed and uncertain.

For same-sex couples that use the words until death do us part as a portion of their marriage vows, it becomes almost literal if or when the marriage sours and they wish to divorce. In most cases, unless the couple moves to a state that recognizes same-sex marriage and establishes residency (most commonly 6 months to a year), they cannot get divorced legally.

The greatest challenge for these couples is finding a state that recognizes same-sex marriage, traveling to that state to marry, returning to the home state to live, and then, if divorce results, not being able to file for divorce in their state, and rather, needing to relocate and establish residency in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage. For nearly everyone, moving to another state just to establish residency is just not practical.

Challenges to overcome:

In a heterosexual relationship that ends in divorce, a judge may order a pension or retirement account to be divided, and laws (including QDRO) allow the division without triggering taxes or early withdrawal penalties. For divorcing *** couples, any court-ordered division of these accounts aren’t protected and do trigger taxes and penalties.

If real property is exchanged in a heterosexual divorce, capital gains taxes can be avoided. In same-sex divorces, there is no protection, and taxes are owed if due.

If cash is exchanged between a divorcing heterosexual couple and is the result of a divorce settlement, they enjoy the shelter of passing unlimited funds between them without taxes. *** couples are not protected, and are exposed to taxes (in particular gift taxes) when couples exchange more than $12,000.00 in any one year.

In cases where alimony is awarded, tax law for heterosexual couples divorcing provides that the payer gets a tax deduction for alimony paid and the receiver must declare the income on their taxes. For same-sex couples, no tax deduction exists, and if the payment of money exceeds $12,000 per year, gift taxes apply.

As this is written (3/09), New York State’s Governor David Patterson is on record as stating that his state will recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. While not legally binding, it encourages couples looking for such state recognition.

Evidence that same-sex divorces are proceeding in the courts in New York is appearing. An Appellate Division in New York has rules that a same-sex marriage contracted in Canada is recognized in New York. In Beth R v Donna M 350284/2007, New York State Supreme Court Justice Laura E. Drager, in New York County, denied the defendant’s motion to dismiss a divorce action on the ground that a same-sex marriage contracted in Canada is void in New York.

In a year-end 2007 Rhode Island Supreme Court decision, the court ruled that same-sex marriages in Massachusetts may not be dissolved in Rhode Island (Chambers v Ormiston). In February of this year (2009), a bill was introduced into the Rhode Island General Assembly that would allow same-sex couples to divorce in this state.

On March 3, 2009, fifteen *** and ******* residents from Massachusetts who wed after this state legalized same-sex marriages filed a discrimination suit challenging the 1996 federal law that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman. This group asserts that because the 1996 defense of Marriage Act championed by President Clinton, deprives them of benefits enjoyed by heterosexual married couples and renders them second class citizens.

Legal experts who follow this area of law predict this case will likely make it to the U.S. Supreme Court for a final decision.

The question continues. Will more states allow same-sex marriage and thus same-sex divorce, or will parties exert enough pressure to prevent the movement. Stay tuned.

By: Thomas Michaels

About the Author:

Thomas Michaels is an author and contributor to Divorce Recovery Suite an on-line source of support and help for those thrust into the process of divorce.

Public Divorce Records Is It The Right Thing For You?

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There are many reasons why you might want to conduct your search in the realm of Public Divorce Records. The first of which is the obvious one, that the price is right. Because they are considered to be Public Domain, you can obtain the information for free. There may be a fee for incidentals such as copies of the information that you are requesting but this should be minimal. Once you find some good location for finding these record do a little bit of research on this subject to find out the correct thing. Once the source is verified as real then there is no problem.

Another reason that you might not consider is that this is a very discreet way to do the research. Because you can obtain most of the information on the web, you can get the information without leaving a trail. If this is important to you, make sure that you are savvy enough with your computer to make sure that there isn’t a trail. Learn to clear the cache of your internet browser if you don’t want people with access to the system to discover what you have been up to. You may want to consider doing your research in an internet café if you wish to remain anonymous. This is sounding a little cloak and dagger at this point but for some people it is very important that it not be known that they are looking for this information. There is a lots of good information on the internet which helps us to get what we want either free or at very less cost you just need to find the right kind of information so that nothing goes wrong in any way once the information is done from the right place.

One more consideration is the extent of the information that you require. If you are just looking for the basic details, such as custody arrangements, whether the divorce was contested or not or perhaps the grounds for divorce, Public Divorce Records should have all that you require. They will also include things like the names of the people involved, support settlement details and the details of any alimony paid. If it is more complete information on an individual then going through an agency or firm that has experience with investigating someone might be a better option for you.



By: Ross Rewards

About the Author:

Ross is the owner of the National Marriage Records Database , this is a huge database where you can search for divorce records, if you want to know more about this subject Ross has created a very informative webpage with marriage records information .



Divorcing in New York is not Simple

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New York State is not one of the states that allows a no-fault divorce. In other words, to obtain a divorce in the state of New York, there must be proven grounds for the dissolution. If the non-filing party has not committed any act that would constitute grounds for divorce, the person desiring the divorce will not be able to obtain it.

Some of the grounds for divorce in New York are as follows:

Incarceration: meaning the confinement of the defendant in prison for a period of three or more consecutive years after the marriage.

Adultery: meaning the commission of a voluntary act of sexual or deviant sexual *********** by the plaintiff with a person other than the spouse.

Abandonment: meaning the desertion of the plaintiff by the defendant for one or more years. Abandonment usually is physical, where one spouse moves out of marital residence and literally deserts the family. There is also constructive abandonment also known as constructive sexual abandonment. This ground is often used when both parties want to divorce as quickly as possible.

Cruel and inhuman treatment: meaning conduct by the non-filing party that endangers the physical or mental well-being of the plaintiff to make it unsafe or inhabitable for the plaintiff to cohabit with the defendant.

New York State is a state that encourages marriage. They make it very difficult to obtain a divorce unless both parties want the divorce. Just to the north in Connecticut, they allow no-fault divorces. In Connecticut, the two parties typically sign a stipulation stating that irreconcilable differences have led to the irretrievable breakdown of their marriage. They simply wait out a short time period, and are able to obtain the dissolution of marriage. Quite a contrast to the laws in the state of New York, which is a border state to Connecticut. In New York, if one of the parties who does not want to divorce has done absolutely nothing to provide grounds for the divorce, the person wanting the divorce will not be able to obtain it. The majority of states are not like New York and that they do allow for no-fault divorce. The legislature and the state congresses are geared towards doing the will of the people. The people of the United States have shown that they do not want to be held into a marriage against their will. The court system also does not want to be bogged down in hearings and contested issues regarding fault. That is why the majority of states in the United States are in fact no-fault states. New York, however, is not one of those states and there must be fault for sufficient grounds to obtain a successful dissolution action.



By: David Siegel

About the Author:

New York City divorce and family law firm handling divorce and family law cases throughout New York City and the surrounding areas. Results driven law firm with experience and skill to handle the most difficult cases. See Also: Divorce Lawyers New York to learn more information about divorce and family law in New York.



Judicial Separation and Divorce

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Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 for the first time introduced a provision for divorce among the Hindus. These are on the grounds of - adultery, cruelty, desertion for a continuous period of two years, one of the party ceasing to be a Hindu by conversion, unsound mind, suffering from incurable leprosy, venereal diseases or by taking to religious order and renouncing the world or, if either party disappears for a period of seven years. These grounds can be urged by the suffering party in a court of law and justice obtained. This has enabled many a woman to find a way out of a bad marriage. Subsequent to the act being passed in 1955 an amendment was added for obtaining divorce by mutual consent. This was quite a godsend as now the couple can avoid contest on any issue.

Marriage after Divorce : After divorce either party can marry another person. In all cases, no petition can be filed in a court of law within one year of marriage.

MAINTENANCE:

1.The Hindu wife is entitled to be maintained by the husband during her lifetime.

2. She is entitled to live separately from her husband without giving up her claim to maintenance under certain under conditions.

3. She shall not be entitled to separate residence and maintenance if she converts or is proven unchaste. This is governed by the Hindu Maintenance Act of 1956. This is an absolute right given to the Hindu wife. In divorce proceedings the wife is entitled to claim interim relief before the court decides on permanent relief of maintenance. The Court will consider whether a wife is entitled to maintenance if her earnings are enough to maintain herself….http://www.sitagita.com/view.asp?id=1359

CUSTODY OF THE CHILD:

In any divorce proceedings under the Hindu Marriage Act the court has to decide on the maintenance, custody and education of the minor child. Custody of a child below five years is generally given to the mother. But in dealing with this, the court has the right to change, suspend or revoke its earlier orders. The child’s welfare is of primary consideration.

DISPOSAL OF PROPERTY

When there is dispute between husband and wife, the court makes provision with respect to the property which is gifted at or about the time of marriage, and belongs to both husband and wife.



By: Sitagita.com

About the Author:



Removing a Child to Another Jurisdiction After a Divorce

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A court can grant leave or permission to a person who has custody of a minor child to remove the minor child from the current jurisdiction to live in another jurisdiction. The determining factor on whether or not to allow removal is the best interest of the child standard. The party seeking the right to remove has the burden of showing that the removal is in the best interest of the minor child. To temporarily remove a child from the jurisdiction, the party doing the removal shall inform the other parent or parent’s attorney. The removing party shall also provide telephone contact information as well as a prospective date of return. If the removal is to another part of the same state, the custodial party is not required to seek court permission. There are several factors that are considered when determining the child’s best interest and include: Will the move enhance the life of the child and of the custodial parent? Is the removal simply an effort to frustrate visitation with the non-custodial parent? What is the motive of the non-custodial parent in frustrating the removal? The court must consider the child’s interest in having a healthy can close relationship with both parents as well as other family members. The visitation rights of the non-custodial parent must be considered. Will visitation be realistic and feasible?

A full consideration of the benefits that a child can derive from the financial and emotional well-being of a custodial parent is required. Courts may allow removal when the custodial parent remarries a person from another state. The child may benefit by having the custodial parent closer to the new spouse.

A better job opportunity has also been used as grounds for removal. The increased earnings will allow for a better lifestyle for the child. Currently, there has been a trend against removal. The emphasis seems to be placed more directly on the best interest of the child and less on the opportunity of the custodial parent.

If the non-custodial parent has been highly involved in the child’s life, removal would be very difficult to obtain and would provide a hardship to the entire family. The conduct of the non-custodial parent is a major factor in whether or not to allow removal. If the non-custodial parent is absent from the child’s life, the court will be more likely to grant the removal.



By: David Siegel

About the Author:

David M. Siegel is an attorney practicing divorce and family law. Additional information is available at http://www.divorce-lawyers-newyork.com .



Is My Cheating Husband Grounds For Divorce?

grounds for divorce
Not anymore. The way divorce used to work in most states was that a grievance would be brought by one spouse or the other and that particular grievance would either be grounds for divorce or not. A cheating husband or cheating wifewas often grounds for divorce because the loyal spouse was so insulted and humiliated the chances for reconciliation were slim. Eventually most state legislatures were told to mind their own business when it came to a reason for divorce and they responded by giving couples complete freedom to divorce if there were “irreconcilable differences.” Now a couple can divorce each other very easily; at least as far as most states are concerned.

Is a Cheating Husband Really a Good Reason for Divorce?

I have been asked this question a number of times and my answer is not always the same. There are questions I ask in return:

Do you have any children? How long have you been married? Are there drugs and alcohol involved? Is there any physical spousal abuse involved? How many times have either of you been married?

As you can see by the questions the answer is not always so simple. It is important of course for spouses to be loyal to one another, but it is also important for spouses to understand what marriage is and what behaviors work within a marriage to enhance all of the goals each person has when they get married.

The big problem in our society is that nobody knows what the heck marriage is and nobody understands the very basics of relationship building. The role models for a happy marriage are nowhere to be found in our society. Television sitcoms, parents and other relatives, and schools that don’t have any “how to live” programs or education, all sent you into the deep end of marriage life without so much as a travel pamphlet to guide you. So it isn’t 100% fair to expect people to suffer through a blistering marriage without some breakdowns.

In just about every case, infidelity is a manifestation of ignorance-driven frustration and so carries a little less of the taint of evil than we would normally ascribe to it.

Infidelity is Not Excusable, but should Not be Punishable by Death of the Marriage

Every couple who came to see me where there was infidelity, was able to rescue and resuscitate their marriage.

In fact, they went on to have amazing marriages because once they learned how to be married, the normal evil actions of that infidelity were understood and put into a context of non-judgment.

If your husband is cheating on you, I recommend you shift your perspective and recognize his weakness rather than his treachery. Read my Lessons For A Happy Marriage so you can have a deep understanding of what created his infidelity. Until then, don’t imagine even for a second that it is your fault. Even those ladies who protest and say they don’t take on any of the blame, there is always a little bit of questioning in their minds as to whether they were adequate wives or not.

Lastly, if you are not married but reading this to see what you should do about a cheating boyfriend or fiance, my answer is very simple: move on. A man who is not completely caught up in the joys and excitement of marrying you is not worthy of your commitment to him.

Marriage is meant to be joyful and simple, but our culture has done nothing to educate you. Once you learn this simple math of marriage a very happy family life is assured; but until then you are groping in the dark. Strike the match of education to light your way to happiness.



By: Paul Friedman

About the Author:

I wrote Lessons For A Happy Marriage to help people save their troubled marriage and end the marriage crisis in our country; it’s about saving children. Let’s stop divorce. The problems go beyond the failures of marriage counselors. My life’s mission is to eradicate the need for divorce through focused education. If you’re married, tell your soul mate, “I love you.”



Annulment in the Catholic Church

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In the case of the Catholic Church, annulment does not mean the same thing as divorce. Some accuse the Catholic Church of hypocrisy for preaching that all marriages are permanent but providing the means of annulment.

The Church reconciles these two seeming opposing ideas by understanding that a “Declaration nullity” is not a dissolution of a marriage, but rather to determine whether a marriage was a sacrament (valid) or in contrary in some way to Divine Law as understood by the Catholic Church. While some may try to use an annulment to get around the “no divorce” rule, that is not the reason the Church gives for the availability of annulment.

According to the Church, an annulment affirms the Scriptural basis of divorce and at the same time affirms that in a true marriage, a man and a woman become one flesh before the eyes of God. The Church’s teaching on marriage is that it is a Sacrament and that it is only validly contracted by the two individuals, so questions may arrise as to whether that person is able to contract a valid marriage.

A marriage in a civil court is not recognized by the Church as a valid marriage (because a priest is not a witness of the marriage) unless it is later blessed by a priest. In the Western tradition, the ministers of the marriage are the two individuals themselves, and the priest is a witness for the Church.

For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed. In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.

A reason for annulment is called an diriment impediment to the marriage. Prohibitory impediments make entering a marriage wrong but do not invalidate the marriage, such as being betrothed to another person at the time of the wedding; diriment impediments, such as being being brother and sister, or being married to another person at the time of the wedding, prevent such a marriage from being contracted at all. Such unions are called putative marriages.

Diriment impediments include: Consanguinity * Insanity precluding ability to consent * Not intending, when marrying, to remain faithful to the spouse (simulation of consent) * One partner had been deceived by the other in order to obtain consent, and if the partner had been aware of the truth, would not have consent to marry * Abduction of the woman, with the intent to compel her to marry, constitutes an impediment as long as she remains in the kidnapper’s power * Failure to adhere to requirements of canon law for marriages, such as clandestinity, which is entering a marriage without proper witnesses. * Some impediments can be dispensed, in which the Church exempts a couple, prior to the marriage, to the obligation to conform to the canon law.

While some relationships can not have the impediment of consanguity dispensed, a marriage can be sanctioned between cousins. This renders the marriage non-annulable. Again, if an invalid marriage has been contracted, and the diriment impediment can be removed, a convalidation or sanatio in radice can be performed to make the marriage valid.

Marriages that are annulled under the Catholic Church are usually considered as ab initio, meaning that the marriage has been essentially invalid from the beginning.

Some Catholics therefore worry that their children will be considered illegitimate if they get an annulment. However, Canon 1137 of the Code of Canon Law specifically affirms the legitimacy of children born in both recognized and putative marriages (those later declared null).

Critics point to this as additional evidence that a Catholic annulment is similar to divorce — although civil laws that recognized both annulments and divorce regard the offspring of a putative marriage as legitimate.

An annulment verified by the Catholic Church is independent from obtaining a civil divorce, although before beginning a process in front of the Ecclesiastical Tribunal, it has to be clear that the marriage community cannot be rebuilt.

If someone has all the signs of being married previously, he or she must get an annulment before entering into a marriage in the Catholic Church, even if the individual was not married in the Catholic Church previously. Catholics acknowledge the indissolubility of marriage for any baptized persons who give themselves freely in the bond of marriage and recognizes the marriages of other Christians in most cases. However it may decide not to recognize previous marriages involving Catholics conducted contrary to the Ne Temere requirements.



By: Heather Colman

About the Author:
Copyright © 2006, Heather Colman. Find more annulment resources at annulment-centre.info or ebookpalace.com.



Minneapolis Dwi Lawyer, Minneapolis Divorce Lawyer

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If you are a Minneapolis resident and need a lawyer you must make sure that you are hiring services of a lawyer who is also based in Minneapolis. Whether you are looking for a divorce lawyer or DWI lawyer, you should look for the one who is practicing in Minneapolis. The reason for this is that a Minneapolis divorce lawyer or Minneapolis DWI lawyer will be familiar with the rules and laws much better than anybody based outside Minneapolis. So your first priority should be that your DWI lawyer or Divorce Lawyer is practicing in, and based in Minneapolis.

We shall discuss both these lawyers individually. If you are arrested under Minneapolis DWI charges, your immediate worry should be to hire a qualified, competent and experienced Minneapolis based DWI lawyer. Preferably a Minneapolis DWI Lawyer firm with a team of qualified and experienced personnel.

How can hiring a Minneapolis DWI lawyer help? Well, he knows the law, he knows the rules and he knows the way out. He is in a better position to challenge the way the test was performed. The Minneapolis DWI lawyer can also challenge the qualification of the person operating this machine. He can take the blood and urine samples and have them re-tested in a private lab to verify the accuracy of tests. Minneapolis DWI lawyer can challenge the grounds on which police made the arrest. He can challenge the accuracy of the machine, timing of the tests and so on. The timing is also a very important aspect in DWI arrest. Hiring Minneapolis DWI at the right time, i.e. as soon as possible after the arrest is also very crucial. Minneapolis DWI lawyer whose exclusive area of practice is Minneapolis will help you a great deal.

You must understand that Minneapolis DWI can result in loss of job in some cases. Sometimes you are also restricted from visiting other countries if you have a DWI police record. Your mobility is restricted anyway, by your driver’s License being suspended. This whole lot of problems coming together can prove to be quite agonizing.

Coming to Minneapolis Divorce lawyer, the couples wanting a legal separation should hire Minneapolis Divorce lawyer familiar with all the aspects of a divorce like, shared accountants, financial planning, business valuation and evaluation, child psychology angle to help the couple. Unlike impartial mediators, the Minneapolis Divorce lawyer can advise their clients.

The most important piece of information is about Minneapolis Divorce is the collaborative process, started by Minneapolis family lawyer Stuart Webb in 1990. This process provides alternative dispute resolution using a team of professionals working jointly for the couple, rather than fighting against each other.

So whether its DWI or Divorce, if its happening in Minneapolis, make sure its deal with effective by a Minneapolis based lawyer who is familiar with the law and specializes and practices in divorce or DWI exclusively.



By: Groshan Fabiola

About the Author:

For more resources about Minneapolis DWI lawyer or even about Minneapolis Divorce lawyer please review this page http://www.bolinskelaw.com



Organize Your Way To A Cheaper Divorce

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Many clients do not have the time or inclination to organize their financial documentation, and most family law attorneys spend countless hours with support staff sifting through piles of checking and savings account statements, cancelled checks, quarterly statements, and other personal and business documents. In many cases, the client has the financial wherewithal to afford this service and is content with delegating it to his or her counsel. But, what about the client who wants to save on attorney’s fees? For such clients, knowing how to organize these documents ahead of time can truly expedite the divorce and reduce the cost of litigation.

The benefit of organizing your financial documents before you submit them to your divorce attorney is greater than just saving the expense of having your attorney’s staff sort through the information. In total, the benefits are three fold.

It will save you time and money;

It will help you develop an orderly understanding of your finances which will help you respond to questions accurately and effectively in depositions, settlement negotiations, and trial.

It will give you an organized starting point from which to conduct your post-divorce financial planning.

While many of the clients can very well afford to have their attorney’s office organize their documentation for them, most successful business people organize their own paperwork for the foregoing three reasons.

Of course, organizing your financial records not only gives you control over the information, but it is also appreciated by your attorney as well. While most family law attorneys have personnel who are extremely adept at organizing documentation for a divorce, previously organized documentation saves time and allows your attorney’s office to concentrate on other more constructive matters important to your divorce case.

If you wish to organize your financial records before consulting counsel, the following suggestions should prove useful.

Understand what the attorney needs before it is produced.

Most clients understand that current statements concerning assets and liabilities are relevant to the division of their assets and debts, but they do not understand that a transactional history (past statements) are necessary as well. These statements may be important on a number of issues, including a determination of whether separate property interests exist, a determination of additional sources of income for child and spousal support purposes, or the use of a date preceding the date of the final divorce trial should the court deem it appropriate.

In short, a history of each asset and debt with any monthly, quarterly, and annual statements regarding each asset and debt is always helpful.

When in doubt, produce it.

If you are unsure of a document’s usefulness, include it. A good attorney can determine quickly if a document is important or irrelevant. If it is irrelevant, it will either go back to the client or in the back of the file until the case is concluded or the client needs it back. If, however, you feel that something may be relevant, but do not produce it, the attorney has no ability to determine whether or not the document is relevant or important to your case.

Organize your records in the order the court considers them.

Generally, the court in a divorce will first determine whether grounds for divorce exists, then proceeds to divide assets and liabilities, before addressing issues of child support and spousal support. For purposes of organizing your documentation, the best approach is usually to first divide your documentation into four categories: assets, debts, income and expenses.

Organize your asset and debt documentation.

Divide the asset documentation by type of asset (real estate, automobiles, financial accounts, stocks and bonds, business entities, whole or universal life insurance, and personal property). Then, divide each set by individual financial institution and account number. Divide debt documentation in the same manner as the asset documentation and separate by financial institution and then by account number. Once the information is organized, type out an itemized list of the assets and debts to review with your counsel.

Organize your income and expense documentation.

Your income, child care expense, health insurance expense, and monthly expense documentation is usually important child and spousal support determination. Thus, I always suggest organizing this documentation into separate files such as: (i) income tax returns; (ii) separate files for each additional income source (i.e. a side consulting job or rental property); and (iii) separate files for expense documentation that supports a client’s monthly budget.

Make sure the contents of each of your files are in chronological order.

Go through each file and make sure the documentation is in chronological order from the most recent information to the oldest documentation that you have. By doing this, the attorney’s office only has to open the file to determine whether more recent documentation is needed or to view the most recent statement to determine the most current valuation you have on the asset or liability.

Remember to keep a full copy for your own records and review.

Not only should you keep a copy of the financial documentation you give your attorney for future use, but you should also keep an organized file of the pleadings and correspondences which your attorney sends to you. By doing this, you will save time and money, and eliminate costly communication errors.

Organize your monthly budget and reduce it to writing.

Most parties to a divorce action will also need to take time to complete a monthly budget. Remember that a divorce entails dividing one financial household into two. Thus, a monthly budget may be necessary to help you get through this trying financial time. Further, a monthly budget will often be required by the court if you or your spouse is pursuing temporary orders, child support, or spousal support. Regardless, careful consideration of your monthly expenses in advance will usually be invaluable to your divorce attorney in arguing your case regarding support issues.

It is important to remember that there are three types of expenses which should be given full consideration when you do your budget. First, there are one time expenses related to your separation from your spouse. Were you the one who moved out of the marital residence? Did you spend post-separation income or separate property in replacing furniture, paying a deposit on a rental property, or reestablishing yourself? If so, pay close attention to these expenses, itemize them in a statement, and thoroughly document them for consideration in the division of the marital estate.

Second, you need to remember not only the common month-to-month expenses in your budget, but also the less common once-per-year expenses. for example, quarterly insurance payments, taxes, and annual automobile registrations. It is usually helpful to go through your expenses for the past year in determining your budget. In doing this, annualize any expenses and calculate the monthly figure for these expenses. Personal financial software such as Quicken and Microsoft Money are excellent for this purpose, and many financial institutions allow clients to download up to six months of past checking account, savings account, and credit card transactions directly into your computer’s financial software via the internet. In this manner, you can have a detailed and accurate report of your expenses for the past several months in a matter of minutes.

One important point to make about your monthly budget is to be honest. Most parties to a divorce tend to under-represent their expenses either because they do not fully realize how much they spend throughout the year or they shave off expenses out of a misplaced sense of guilt or modesty. The best alternative is to be honest with yourself and your attorney regarding your monthly expenses. If your actual, honest, budget is deemed excessive by your divorce attorney, he or she will surely advise you accordingly and help you modify your budget before it is presented to the court. If your budget is too low, however, your attorney may not even question it, and you may have difficulty making ends meet.



By: Steven Kokensparger

About the Author:
Steven Kokensparger, practices family law with the Columbus, Ohio firm of Kokensparger & Ryan, LLC. He is certified by the State of Ohio as a family law specialist and is a frequent lecturer for the Ohio State Bar Association. For more information, visit him at http://www.midohiodivorce.com



Surviving Your Divorce

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An amicable divorce - what is that? We can remain friends even though our relationship didn’t work out. Yeah, right!

When you are getting a divorce, it may seem impossible to envision a future where you will become friends with your ex-spouse. So many issues which led to your separation and dissolution of marriage are still too fresh. The problems which separated you remain on the table, complete with all the things you fought over and the feelings that go along with all that unresolved anger.

It might not seem possible for you to imagine that at the end of your relationship, there might be something salvageable, let alone a full blown friendship. If there are children involved, that only complicates an already strained connection. Yet, depending on where you are in the divorce process, you can advocate for yourself while maintaining an open door for future friendship. Sound impossible?

Some simple ground rules to see you through. Keeping the following ground rules in mind when dealing with the situation will either make this possible or impossible. Allowing you to work towards a friendship when it is comfortable for the both of you, rest assured, if handled correctly that time will come to pass.

Maintain your dignity at all times No matter what is going on you must always maintain a sense of dignity and respect for your partner and yourself during your negotiations. Work through your lawyer whenever possible. They are your impartial conduit to keep things civil and professional. If you do find yourself dealing directly with your spouse, work to keep emotion out of your interactions. That may sound extraordinarily hard when you’re in the thick of things, but for a smooth transition and future relationship, it is imperative to stay as cool and collected as possible. It may also mean leaving the negotiations for a later time.

Know when to leave the room. You have to know when to leave and geographically remove yourself from a situation spiraling out of control. It is very easy to get caught up in finger pointing and accusations. If you find yourself losing your cool or becoming emotional, stop, take a deep breath and say just that - you need to end the conversation. Some parts of a divorce will always be too painful and difficult for you to solve face-to-face. Avoid the pitfall of playing superhero. Recognize that you and your spouse are extremely vulnerable during this period. A good lawyer or mediator can help greatly in these circumstances.

Be willing to compromise where possible. Take it point-by-point. Remember, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. A marriage is like an elephant and its dissolution can only be successfully accomplished one point at a time. However you feel the assets should be divided, it is important to understand that for each of you, some things are more important than others. If it’s not important to you, don’t sweat the small stuff.

You can’t keep everything For example, it may be important to you that any heirloom items passed down from your family remain with you, and it may be equally important to your spouse to keep his or her retirement benefits for intact. Your lawyer will be able help you evaluate the financial implications of decisions and choices in as fair and impartial way as possible. If you fight over everything, nothing will be accomplished and you will both lose. Bitter feelings will remain, and any chance for future camaraderie will be unworkable.

Understanding what is most important to your spouse and being willing to compromise or concede to those things may make your spouse more than willing to do the same for you.

Realize that your lives will now be separate Any new interests your spouse has with other people or things are no longer part of your life, unless you are invited in. This works both ways. This is where mutual respect comes into play. What this means is that you and your spouse will be moving on, spending time with new people and eventually dating.

Avoid being judgmental A sure-fire way to kill off the possibility of a friendship is for you to be judgmental of the new people in your spouse’s life. Becoming overly friendly or involved with these new people can also have the same effect. Your lives are separate and you must get on with rebuilding a life detached from your spouse’s world, just like the two of you built a life together. Know your place, and let your ex-spouse know if your own boundaries are being overstepped.

Know when to say nothing. One of the most important things to remember is to know when to keep your mouth shut. We were taught that if you don’t have something nice to say about somebody, don’t say anything. This adage is never so important as during and after a divorce. School yourself from speaking negatively about your ex-spouse especially around your common friends. This can be difficult, as there seems to be a natural curiosity from friends to delve into the reasons for your separation.

How-To Avoid Prying Questions They may ask prying questions and look for blame. It easy to fall into the trap of it was your ex-spouses fault. Reach for a general response which casts no blame and ends the conversation so that you can move on to what’s really happening in your life now. Phrases like, “we just grew apart” or “the divorce was a positive step for both of us” can sometimes help to keep the questions at bay.

Present yourself as confident and happy Remember you do not have to answer a question just because it is asked, especially if it is personal. Your reasons for your divorce are your own business, and it is your choice as to how much you wish to share.

Keeping your spouse as a friend may seem impossible now, but by following the suggestions above you will have created the possibility of amicability in the years to come.



By: anonymous

About the Author:
Allyson Brandy is a writer, ****** cancer survivor and science fiction fan with a slightly skewed, amused perspective of the world. Read some of her other articles at: http://www.writingbuzz.com