Divorce Advice Guide

In my counseling practice, I often hear people saying things like:

“It’s my fault that she asked for a divorce. If I hadn’t worked so much, she wouldn’t have left.”

“It’s my fault that he left. If I had been more sexual, he wouldn’t have had an affair.”

I often hear clients ask, when I point out something they are doing that is having negative consequences for them, “Are you saying that this is my fault?” I respond with, “No, but it is your responsibility.”

What is the difference between responsibility and fault?

Fault implies that you are the cause of a situation. Your ego – your conditioned wounded self – believes that you have control over other peoples’ feelings and behavior, and over the outcome of things. Because the wounded self is deeply devoted to trying to control people and events in order to feel safe, you have to believe that things are your fault in order to continue to believe that you have control. This is where feelings of guilt and shame come from. You feel guilt when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong, and you feel shame when you tell yourself that you are inherently flawed in some way. These feelings are always the result of believing that you are the cause of others’ feelings and behavior – that you pull the strings on how others feel and behave.

If you say, “It’s my fault that she asked for a divorce. If I hadn’t worked so much, she wouldn’t have left,” you are really saying that your choices CAUSED her choices. But not all women would leave because their husbands work a lot. While it is not your fault that your wife left, it is your responsibility that you chose to work so much, just as it is her responsibility that she chose to leave.

Nothing that happens outside of yourself is your fault. However, all of your choices and responses are your responsibility.

Responsibility is about the ability to respond. Every situation in life offers us opportunities to respond, and how we respond determines how we feel and what we attract to us.

Our responses come from one of two possible intentions – to love or to control. Choosing our intention in any given moment is the essence of free will. Therefore, we are fully responsible for the negative consequences to ourselves when we choose the intent to control.

For example, Al, one of my clients, sought my help when his wife, Allison, informed him that she was leaving the marriage. Al had chosen to be mostly controlling in his marriage. He chose to respond to situations that he didn’t like with anger and blame, hoping to have control over getting Allison to do what he wanted her to do. When something didn’t go his way or Allison did something he didn’t want her to do, he would yell, threaten, and demean her.

Allison had tried to control Al’s anger by giving in to him. When that didn’t work, she tried just walking away. But nothing she did had any effect on Al’s controlling behavior, and finally Allison decided that she didn’t want to live this way anymore. She moved out and asked for a divorce.

Was this Al’s fault? No, because he was not the cause of Allison’s decision to leave. Another person might have made any number of other choices. For example, one of my friends, Benjamin, has a wife who frequently rages – sometimes treating Benjamin as Al treated Allison. But Benjamin never takes it personally. He has no desire to leave.

While it is not Al’s fault that Allison decided to leave, his choice to be angry and controlling is his responsibility, and he is responsible for the consequences of his choices. Telling himself that it is his fault keeps him stuck being a victim, but his willingness to take responsibility for his choices can lead to change.

Next time you hear yourself say, “This is my fault,” try changing your words to “This is my responsibility,” and notice the difference this makes!



By: Margaret Paul, Ph.d.

About the Author:

THE DIVORCE PROCESS

There are six steps to a divorce proceeding. These include:

1. DETERMINING THE PROPER COUNTY AND JURISDICTION

All divorces in the State of California, regardless of whether or not you and your spouse are convinced you can work out your disputes, must start with determining which county and jurisdiction to file the petition for divorce.

Many courts in California, including the County of Orange, Los Angeles, San Bernardino and Riverside, have specialized courts that deal only with family law and divorce matters. These courts handle all issues related to the divorce, including the division of community and separate property and assets, child custody, child support, spousal support and related issues.

Which is the right county for your divorce? That depends on many factors including where you and your spouse have resided. Often times, especially when you and your spouse have separated and have lived apart before either of you files for a divorce petition, more than one county may be the right jurisdiction for your divorce matter.

However, a judgment of marriage dissolution (divorce) may not be entered unless one of the spouses has been a “resident” of California for six months AND of the county where the divorce proceeding is filed for three months immediately preceding the filing of the divorce petition.

This “six-months/three-month” residence requirement applies only to marriage dissolutions (divorce) action. There is no residency requirement for filing a nullity or legal separation petition.

2. FILING OR RESPONDING TO A PETITION FOR DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

Once we have determined the proper jurisdiction and county for your divorce, one of two documents must be filed with the court. You can contact farzadlaw.com for more information on this.

If you are seeking a divorce, we will prepare and file for you a “petition for dissolution of marriage”. In this document, we will identify what you seek (a dissolution) and why you seek it (typically “irreconcilable differences”).

Remember that California is a no-fault divorce so issues such as infidelity are irrelevant to the divorce petition. However, despite California’s no-fault system, certain issues that most relate to “fault” ARE very significant to your divorce. For example, application for a domestic violence protective order usually requires an affidavit or declaration showing reasonable proof of a past act or acts of abuse. In addition, when determining the child’s best interests in a contested custody case, the court must consider any history of physical or sexual abuse by one parent against any spouse, any child or other persons within the household. The Court also takes into consideration habitual alcohol abuse or illegal use of controlled substances or medications.

If your spouse has served you with a divorce petition and after we determine and ensure that the divorce petition has been filed in the proper court and county, we will file a “Response” to the petition for dissolution of marriage. Time is short and you must not wait to file a response.

In most circumstances, you only have 30 days from the date of the petition is served on you to file the Response. Fail to do so and your spouse can take a “default” against you, barring you from appearing in court or challenging your spouse’s requests.

If you have a default against you in your divorce, you must contact us immediately because the time to file a written motion (request) with the court to set aside the default against you is short.

After we prepare the divorce petition, and both you and we sign it, we file it with the court and serve it along with a summons on your spouse. That gets the process started and your spouse then has 30 days under most circumstances to respond to the divorce petition. If your spouse fails to respond to the divorce petition in 30 days, we will, at your request, ask the court to enter his “default”, which the court often does immediately.

If you have been served with the divorce petition, we will prepare a timely written “Response” to the divorce petition for you, you and us will sign it, and we will file it with the court. We will also serve a copy of it on your spouse or your spouse’s lawyer.

3. THE USE OF DISCOVERY DURING YOUR DIVORCE ACTION

Discovery is intended to take the gamesmanship out of the divorce and family law process. Discovery includes serving and answering interrogatories (written questions) under oath, producing documents under oath, admitting to certain facts under oath and conducting oral examinations under oath (called depositions).

Discovery also permits you to conduct vocational evaluations on your spouse (if your spouse is refusing to work but is capable of doing so) as well as independent medical and related examinations when your spouse’s medical or psychological issues are relevant to the divorce proceeding. The discovery process during the divorce is not limited to your spouse.

We can issue and serve civil subpoenas to third parties or entities for their personal attendance at a deposition, to produce documents, or both.

Discovery is one of the most important processes in the divorce proceeding. Unfortunately, many family law attorneys either don’t realize the importance of the discovery process during the divorce or are incapable of effectively engaging in the discovery process.

That is why Farzad & Mazarei’s wealth of experience in all aspects of effective discovery sets us apart.

If your spouse is trying to “hide” assets or is playing games with custody or support issues during the divorce process, we will conduct the necessary discovery to expose your spouse’s misconduct and further to obtain all the necessary information and documents from him or her.

Further, don’t worry about your spouse hiding assets or not being cooperative during the discovery process. If your spouse refuses to cooperate during the divorce or otherwise fails to produce what we have requested of him or her, we will file the appropriate motions with the court forcing your spouse to comply with our discovery requests. The court is often asked to intervene when one party is playing games and the court has the power to not only order your spouse to comply but may also impose financial and other serious sanctions for noncompliance. These sanctions may include paying for your legal fees.

What discovery procedures we use is something we discuss with you during the divorce process. Not every case is handled the same way. Some cases require significant discovery. Others require very little. We will go over your case with you at the outset and throughout your matter to determine the necessary discovery your divorce may require.

4. MEDIATION OF YOUR DIVORCE ACTION

Mediation is a formal attempt to resolve some or all of the issues in your divorce.

Mediation of child custody and visitation disputes is mandatory. You and your spouse will be encouraged to seek mediation for all of your issues by the court.

Mediation is especially effective for simple divorces and Farzad & Mazarei will work hard to bring your matter to mediation and attempt resolution between you and your spouse.

For complex divorces, mediation can also be very effective but you must be very careful and mindful of having all the facts before you attend mediation. Often, a spouse in a long term marriage with assets believes that he or she can “work things out” with the other spouse without the need for much investigation or discovery. This can be a recipe for a disaster especially when you are walking into mediation without all the facts.

That is why we ensure the timing of the mediation works to your advantage and, when necessary, we conduct the investigation and discovery during your divorce so that we can maximize what you are entitled to and what you get at mediation.

5. TRIAL OF YOUR DIVORCE ACTION

If your divorce cannot be settled informally (through settlement discussions) or formally (through mediation), your divorce will proceed to trial. Divorce trial are often short (most are 1 day or less) unless there are extensive property or assets at issue, or complex child custody matters.

Prior to the actual trial date, pre trial discussions take place. Most trial judges will request each spouse’s attorney to meet with the judge in an informal in-chambers conference.

The purpose of this conference is to discuss any unresolved issues, the length of the trial, the identity and number of witnesses, the nature and extent of the exhibits, to resolve any evidentiary issues and often to make one final attempt at settling the divorce action.

The trial process is complex and requires extensive preparation, depending on the complexity of your divorce.

Farzad & Mazarei are experienced and successful trial lawyers and set our goals and objectives to getting you the results you deserve.

6. THE FINAL DIVORCE JUDGMENT

After a decision is reached, whether by settlement or trial, a judgment or order is entered.

That judgment outlines the final resolution of all the issues in your divorce action. These include the division of assets, spousal support, child support, child custody and any other orders that are necessary and part of your divorce action.

At Farzad & Mazarei, orange county divorce lawyer we are committed to intelligently and compassionately representing your interests throughout the divorce process.



By: bobby

About the Author:

The rate of divorces has increased drastically in recent years, not just in Australia but in many parts of the world. This is due to many reasons but most will agree that the change to no-fault divorces has increased the rate of divorce. Whereas years ago, couples had to prove the their spouse was “unfit” or did something wrong, with a no-fault divorce couples can obtain a divorce by merely stating they no longer wish to be married. Regardless of the reason a couple chooses to get a divorce, it’s in their best interest to find a good divorce lawyer.

Australia has very clear and relatively easy-to-satisfy divorce laws. The only requirements are that you be domiciled in Australia, be an Australian citizen or an Australian resident for at least 12 months. If you meet these requirements, and have been separated from your spouse for at least 12 months, you can file for a divorce in Australia. In certain cases, the spouses are not required to attend their court hearing. One of these situations is if there are no children under the age of 18. If you do have children under the age of 18, and both you and your spouse sign a joint divorce application, you will not need to make a court appearance unless the court waives this requirement for some reason.

In spite of how easy it is to obtain a divorce in Australia, it will still be beneficial for you to have a divorce lawyer, particularly if minor children and/or property are involved. A good divorce lawyer can help you with separation, divorce, property settlement, child custody, maintenance and defacto property settlement. Occasionally, a couple will choose to handle a divorce themselves without the assistance of a divorce lawyer. This is not recommended unless there are no children or assets and both spouses are in full agreement of the simplicity of the divorce. In all other cases, a divorce lawyer is highly recommended to help stand up for your rights regarding the many issues involving family law and divorce.

Australia has made every effort to make divorce as easy, inexpensive and pain free as possible for the couple by requiring the using of arbitration in divorce cases. The private arbitration system for divorces was implemented by the federal Attorney-General of Australia to help eliminate the many disputes brought on by divorce.  Divorce lawyers authorized by the courts will handle the arbitration. The couples seeking the divorce can choose their own divorce lawyer from the court-appointed list. The main purpose of the arbitration is to help resolve money issues. Arbitrators, however, have no authority to rule on disputes involving child custody.

Many people confuse arbitration with mediation or believe they are the same thing when they are actually quite different. A good divorce lawyer can explain the divorce an assist you with your needs during your divorce proceedings. A mediator cannot make a decision for or against a wife or husband but is there to listen to both sides and offer suggestions on how they can both compromise to come to an agreeable solution. If the couple cannot come to an agreement, the job of the mediator is over and an arbitrator is brought into the case. In some cases, however, the mediator is asked to come to a decision for the couple, although this is not recommended because it’s often difficult for a mediator to suddenly switch roles and become an arbitrator.

Arbitrators are divorce lawyers set by the court and can set their own fees, which can often be quite expensive. Couples have the choice of choosing their own arbitrator if they’re not happy with the one chosen by the court. A divorce can be a small matter between two individuals but can also be a huge court case involving a couple, their children and jointly owned property. In such a case, you will want a good divorce lawyer. You will want to make sure you have a lawyer that is experienced enough to help you in your divorce. Because there are many circumstances in divorces, you may need a checklist of questions for your divorce lawyer to help ensure you are getting the best possible divorce lawyer for your needs, some of which may include:

1.    How many divorces have they handled? You do not want a divorce lawyer with little or no experience in divorces. Unless they’ve actually handled a divorce, they’re not going to know what to expect or if there courts lean towards any certain trends.

2.    What is their specialty in divorces? Although some divorces may be simple, some involve property settlements, custody battles, child support, maintenance, etc. You’ll need to know your divorce lawyer has experience that will meet your needs.

3.    What kind of reputation do they have in divorce cases? You may notice in divorces of wealthy couples, women seeking large settlements often seek the same divorce lawyer or couples seeking custody will use divorce lawyers that are successful in these issues. Find out what your divorce lawyer’s success rate is.

4.    What are the costs? The cost of divorce can be as low as hundreds (doing it yourself) and as high as thousands of dollars. Have your divorce lawyer explain what the expenses will be. Find out if there are any expenses that can be lessened or eliminated without hurting your case.

5.    How many arbitrations have they been involved in? If they are a court-appointed arbitrator, as is customary in Australia divorce cases, they’ve probably been in arbitrations before. Find out how many and how they resulted.

6.    What type of arbitrations has your divorce lawyer been involved in? If you suspect your divorce is going to become a nasty fight for custody, you want a divorce lawyer that’s experienced and successful in child custody cases.

7.    What does your divorce lawyer hope to accomplish in your divorce? Have him explain the most and least he hopes to get for you. Don’t be afraid to compare divorce lawyers if you don’t feel the first one you see can help you.

8.    If asked, would your divorce lawyer be willing to work as an arbitrator and mediator? The answer you get from your lawyer may determine if he’s the right divorce lawyer for you.



By: Clint Jhonson

About the Author:

Sometimes, couples just cannot get along. This is the premise behind Georgia no-fault divorce. Neither spouse is cheating, neither is abusive, nor is there any allegation of any other impropriety. Most often the cause of the divorce is listed as ‘irreconcilable differences.”

No-fault divorce has been the subject of controversy since it was first recognized in the 70s. Pro-family groups say it makes it easier for couples to just divorce and not work out the marriage. Some women’s groups feel that abusive spouses are able victimize women again by getting a no-fault divorce that does not lay blame on either party and leaves abused women with no financial protection. If you and your spouse are considering a no-fault divorce, here are some things you should consider:

In a no-fault divorce, the judge will likely decide custody, spousal support and how to split the assets unless you can work out an agreement among yourself. If the divorce is amicable (as many no fault divorces are) there is a good chance the divorcing parents can work out an agreement. While the decision is still up to the judge, he or she will likely consider the wishes of the parents if those decisions are in the best interest of the children. If your husband or wife is trying to convince you to divorce and you want to work on the marriage, he or she will likely be granted a Georgia no fault divorce anyway. Because he or she is not required to prove fault, he or she can cite “irreconcilable differences.” About 80 percent of no-fault divorces are wanted by only one of the spouses. Divorces move through the courts quicker. In Georgia, the waiting period for a no-fault, uncontested divorce is 30 days. If the spouses are fighting over assets or children, divorces can take up to a year or more. A no-fault divorce is often less expensive if agreements exist on both sides as to the division of assets and child custody issues.

Before you consider a no-fault divorce, you may want to seek legal counsel on your own. Often spouses are convinced to a no-fault divorce under the threat of a lengthy court battle or financial pressure by the other spouse. Coercion or fear is not a reason to enter into a no-fault divorce. A good attorney can advise you as to whether or not it is right for you and your family.



By: Michael Waddington

About the Author:

Rhode Island is a “no fault state”. Does that mean the assets are always divided 50% to the wife and 50% to the husband in a divorce?

No. A no fault divorce in Rhode Island simply means that a fault grounds are not necessary in order to obtain a divorce in Rhode Island. In other words, all the parties have to prove to obtain a divorce in Rhode Island is irreconcilable differences that led to the breakdown of the marriage. However, the parties are free to allege other various fault grounds as a cause of the break up of the marriage. Even if a divorce is a “no fault ” divorce it does not necessarily mean that it will be an uncontested divorce.

“No fault divorce” does not mean that fault is not significant! Fault can be extremely significant in Rhode Island. If a party can prove that the other party is at fault for the breakup of the marriage, then they can seek a disproportionate share of the marital assets. Fault may also be a small factor to determine whether or not a party is entitled to alimony.The following types of behavior could be grounds to obtain more than fifty percent of the marital assets: alcoholism, drug addiction, domestic violence, criminal history, incarceration, extra marital affairs (cheating), abusive behavior, gambling, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial mismanagement, criminal activity, abandonment, etc. You should consult with a Rhode Island lawyer / attorney concerning the circumstances of your case and how they will affect your divorce.

What is an Uncontested divorce in Rhode Island?

An uncontested divorce is a divorce in which the parties agree to all issues involved in the case including child custody, child support, visitation, equitable division of the marital domicile (real estate) etc.

What does a “no fault” divorce mean in Rhode Island?

In some states, it is necessary to prove fault grounds in order to obtain a divorce. Under Rhode Island divorce and family law, it is not necessary to prove fault grounds in order to obtain an absolute divorce. All you need to do is prove irreconcilable differences in order to get a divorce. Irreconcilable differences can be anything from lack of communication, different goals and aspirations, affairs, domestic violence, arguing, fell out of love or actually anything. In other words, if either party wants to terminate the marriage, then that party can get a divorce in Rhode Island so long as the other jurisdictional requirements in Rhode Island are met.

How does fault affect a Rhode Island (RI) divorce?

Even though Rhode Island is a no fault state, fault can play a very important role in how the court equitably divides the assets and debts of the parties. After the family court has determined what assets are in fact marital assets, then the court will look at various factors to determine the equitable division of assets. The court may consider the following factors in determining equitable assignment of the property.

a) The length of the marriage;

b) The conduct of the parties during the marriage;

c) The contribution of each of the parties during the marriage in the acquisition, preservation or appreciation in value of their respective estates;

d) The contribution and services of either party as a homemaker;

e) The health and age of the parties;

f) The amount and sources of income of each of the parties

g) The occupation and employability of each of the parties;

h) The opportunity of each party for future acquisition of capital assets and income;

- Source: R.I.G.L. 15-5-16.1 (Rhode Island General Laws)

among other factors which are set forth in R.I.G.L. 15-5-16.1. That statute specifically states that the court can consider any factor which the court so expressly finds to be just and proper.

Please note that in many cases the parties decide to divide the property 50% to the wife and 50% to the husband. One of the most important factors the Rhode Island Family Court judge will look at in granting the husband or wife a disproportionate share of the marital assets is if the other party had an affair, was emotionally or physically abusive or had substantial drug and alcohol problems. The court will also look at other negative conduct in awarding a disproportionate share of the marital assets.

It is not uncommon for a judge to award a 60/40 or 55/45 distribution of marital assets in a divorce if the Family Court finds that one party had an extra marital affair and that affair led to the breakdown of the marriage.

Rhode Island Attorneys legal Notice per  RI Rules of Professional Responsibility:

The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers in the general practice of law, but does not license or certify any lawyer as an expert or specialist in any field of practice.



By: david slepkow

About the Author:

Relationships With The In-Laws

A divorce is always traumatic and it takes a toll on one’s emotions, apart from tearing one’s life apart. Changes are a part of divorce, and this is a key factor when it comes to dealing with in-laws.

You will have to bear in mind that after the divorce relationships with the family will be divided, so you will need to keep this in perspective when dealing with them. Everything depends on whether you ave a good relationship with them. If you do, it makes it easier all round, and if you dont, then you will have to figure out how magnanimous you want to be.

If you have always got on well with your in-laws, you will not need to cut them off just because your relationship with your ex has broken. If children are involved, then you could make regular visits as the

children need to bond with their grandparents. They do not need to be deprived of this particular relationship as the separation is not their fault. In fact, by dealing with the situation in a mature manner, everyone

can benefit.

Communication With Your In-Laws

Communication is the most important aspect with your in-laws. If things have always gone well in your relationship with them, then you will need to show them that you care for them and value their opinions and advice, and would like to include them in your life. They must know that the divorce has nothing to do with the special relationship that you share with them. On the other hand, if you have had your differences with

them and have not had a smooth sailing relationship, then it would be better to keep a distance, although you would need to visit them because of the children. There is no harm in being courteous and polite even if the relationship is strained.

Usually, in a divorce, it happens that the in-laws are not on your side. But, when the divorce takes place and the interests of both parties are dealt with in a fair manner, friendship can be maintained. This will go a long way in assuring that family functions are comfortable and something that everyone can enjoy without embarrassment.

The main thing is to look to the interests of the children, if you have any. They need to interact with their grandparents and it is imperative that they are not alienated from that side of the family. There are some cases, however, when children may have to be kept away from in-laws. In that case, maturity is the key to behaving in a manner that ensures everyones best interests, and allows you to live a peaceful and stress-free life.



By: Abhishek Agarwal

About the Author:

California divorce preparation could prove to be a complex task. You might be dismayed if your spouse reveals that he or she will seek a divorce. What is more, you might return home someday to an empty home and a note, with your spouse and kids having moved out. If that takes place, you may be entirely unable to undertake any California divorce and separation planning yourself.

On the other hand, your partner could have strategized properly and you could determine that belongings have been hidden away or expended over time, or that a transfer was thoughtfully organized using the aid of an advocate with the plan to control a spousal support dispute. Though that type of orchestrated sneaky prep goes on rarely, it does come about and should serve as an example to any person who is thinking over a California divorce and separation: prep and tactics are vital and had better be looked at by everyone.

To insure that you are undertaking the best California divorce preparation and applying the best legal tactics, you might need the aid of a lawyer. An experienced California domestic lawyer has seen it all. He or she has handled enough lawsuits to realize what maneuvers may be employed by their adversary, what maneuvers are effective, and what maneuvers would work for your family situation.

Engaging in tactics and planning does not have to mean that you are moving towards divorce or separation litigation. It signals that you are aware of the facts of the case and your objectives and you have carefully planned how to get where you want to go. A adept settlement negotiation doesn’t happen without quite a bit of thoughtfulness and preparation. Numbers of clients fail to see the real value that they obtained from their lawyer. As a matter of fact, some people will claim that they did every bit of work in compiling information or in obtaining information for their lawyer, just to be confronted with a significant bill, and they want to know why. The “why” is found in the California lawyer’s experience level and the lawyer’s capability in preparation of your tactics in order to obtain the resolution you requested.

The tactics and planning that you should undertake before starting a California divorce and separation are critical. There are some things that everybody will have to do, including obtaining all of your economic documents. Some preparation and tactical issues will be unique to your own matter, including, the facts of your married life and your situation at the time.

Notwithstanding your own circumstances, your preparation should be undertaken after a careful analysis of the pertinent facts and a thorough conversation about your goals with your lawyer. Various people confronting the same circumstances could consider different California divorce plans simply because they are focused on different results. If settling your case amicably and avoiding litigation are significant to you, your lawyer may have to engage in different tactics than if you want a court to make the decisions. If your lawyer understands all of your facts and your particular goals, your lawyer should be able to work on an outline that should get you the results you want.

Since divorce and separation is typically a battle regarding income and assets, obtaining the relevant documents about your particular finances will be a very important task. It is imperative that you locate copies of at least the last several years income tax returns and your w-2 and your partner’s w-2 for every job. If those documents cannot be located, it is easy to obtain copies from the IRS.

If you want to undertake this secretly and you do not want your spouse to know that you are doing divorce preparation, request that those documents be delivered to your employment address, an acquaintance, or to the office of your lawyer. An outline of the history of your marriage is important to other matters that your California divorce lawyer will need to consider. Many lawyers require that you create a chronicle to help them. If your lawyer does not require an outline, write one up anyway. The time spent on doing so can help your lawyer to address matters like fault, custody, and support, and it could save your lawyer time needed for preparation of your matter and thus, reduce the cost of your divorce.

The more time that you spend getting, and organizing important facts and documents for your California divorce and separation lawyer, the less effort you will spend in your lawyer’s office talking over those issues. That translates into less time spent with fact finding and more of your resources spent on tactics and preparation.



By: Jean Mahserjian

About the Author:

Everybody knows that going through divorce is no easy task. It is hard to find the right path and to get back to a healthy and normal life. Especially if you have had an unpleasant divorce it is quite hard to cope with face challenges in life that one faces when one certainly finds oneself alone in this world. If you have these feelings of extreme despair and loneliness do not shy away from counseling. It will help you feel better about life and about yourself. You need to spend some time looking after yourself after separation. You need to make the best of the rest of your life and if that means you need professional help so be it. Do not be ashamed and do not be discouraged at the thought of counseling-divorce is no easy situation to deal with for any person. The most important thing to keep in mind is to get back stability in life whatever it takes to do so.

When you get married there’s no guarantee that you will remain happy. Many are times we are promised the happiness of the whole world at the altar, and we end up losing it instead. The divorce and maybe your fault, your spouse’s fault or thanks to force on both sides. No doubt you will end being sad after a divorce. But it is one of those mountains of life that you simply must get over. You need to find inner strength to help you make it through

Many people find themselves to week to go through the post divorce phase. Simple things such as going to work become a chore during this trying time. Even socializing may become a trying and stressful situation. The mind and the personality tend to feel week. The good news is that this is only a phase and this too shall pass away as the saying goes. If you feel that you need a counselor to help you get past this time there’s no shame. In fact a professional may help you become even stronger than you ever were before the divorce.

There are many routes you could take to find the right counselor. Churches and communities can help you find one and so can family and friends. You could take part anonymously on internet forums and have chat room discussions if you feel ashamed and self conscious to take part in one of these groups socially. In any case if you feel you need emotional support, get it wherever you feel comfortable in getting it.

At such a trying time in your life you will finally be able to judge between the real friends and the time wasting ones. The losers will disappear at the first signs of bitterness and the real ones will stick with you through thick and thin. This can have a very positive impact on your mind set, when you realize that you do in fact have some very good friends you can lean on any time. Some of these friends and family may give you personnel counseling especially if they are older than you. Make the best of this opportunity-it is not everybody who gets it.



By: Abhishek Agarwal

About the Author:

Divorce is stressful for parents and kids alike. Children often get caught up in conflicts between parents. The children are forced to constantly witness angry and abusive fights. One of parent’s greatest concerns is how divorce will affect their children. In fact, the marital relationship has far reaching ramifications for children, extended families, friends and others. The following are some perspectives on the view of children in a divorcing family.

The children in a divorcing family fear being abandoned. When Mom and Dad are at odds and are either separated or considering separation, children fear that if they lose one parent, they may lose the other. Their parents may pay attention to the new families and give no attention to them. They may lose contact with extended family on one side or the other. They worry that their parents don’t love them anymore and they feel abandoned. They feel like the parent who left has divorced them too. The concept of being alone in the world is a very frightening thing for a child. In addition, moving into new surroundings can cause a negative reaction.

Even if there have been tension and problems in the home, some children will be shocked to learn that their parents are getting a divorce. It may take some time for them to acknowledge and accept that their lives will be different now.

Children may get depressed. Sadness about parents’ separation, coupled with a sense of hopelessness, is likely to lead to depression. Sometimes depression is referred to as anger turned inward. When children feel depressed they may withdraw from their parents or loved ones. They may neglect their homework, dissociate from friends and discontinue activities that once brought them pleasure. Their eating habits may change dramatically or they may engage in some form of self-destructive behavior. Additionally, depression in children often appears as agitation or acting

Children may blame themselves. They may think, “If I had not misbehaved, Daddy would not have left” or “They would not have been fighting if I had been good.” It is imperative for parents to talk to their children and stress that it is not their fault.

Divorce definitely affects children, but with some help, reassurance and cooperative parenting your child can come through feeling loved and happy. Experts agree that when handled with patience, it is less stressful for a child to be from a broken home than to live in one, with parents constantly fighting.



By: sunshine01

About the Author:

I don’t think ‘getting emotionally tortured’ was one of the things you looked forward to when you decided to marry your soul mate. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t consider the possibility of living in a bad marriage or searching the internet for divorce questions when you said your vows. I’m also sure you thought that divorce statistics point out problems with society, not those shared by the two of you.

 

So I have some questions for you, if you don’t mind.

 

Where did you study Marriage 101? How did you do on the final? Was it relevant to what you have found in your own marriage?

 

Oh, you mean you never took a course in marriage? I see. You thought your passion and mutual love would guide you through any conceivable rough spots? You felt your communication skills are fine? You think you understand your partner but they are not loving and considerate? You think you can do much better once you’re free from this current “mistake”? Welcome to the club of pain and suffering!

It isn’t your Fault your Marriage is Bad; It can be Saved and Transformed into a Great Marriage

 

It isn’t your partner’s fault either! Our society is so far behind in the areas of “people” study and relationships that there is a mountain of stupid stuff you just have to pretend isn’t there if you want to have a successful marriage; and it isn’t too late to save this one either!

 

As in anything else that you want to be a success at, the first step is to learn the guiding principles and the second step is to learn the rules; those do’s and don’ts that work with the guiding principles.

 

If you want to be a mountain climber you need to learn the principles of climbing, gravity, weather and so forth.

 

If you want to be a sailor you need to learn the principles of sailing, winds, buoyancy and so forth.

 

If you want to be successful in marriage you need to learn the principles of marriage’s purposes, human interactions, gender drives and so forth.

 

In 99% of the bad marriages I worked with, the marriages went from bad to excellent in hours. All it took was for the couple to learn the principles and corresponding rules. I will admit that I didn’t work with people who were physically abusive or psychologically damaged due to years of drug or alcohol abuse. But those situations are rare despite what the media’s focus may get us to think.

My work with couples led to publication of Lessons For A Happy Marriage where virtually every important question about turning a bad marriage into a great one is answered. Because I am a mediator I was also able to answer some divorce questions. But because of the success people had it was mostly just to satisfy their curiosity (most people can’t believe the extent of the horrors till they go through a divorce themselves).

 

I would like to ask you a few questions I asked those who came to see me.

Is your spouse evil or just angry? Would you like to leave the past behind and start with a clean slate and the required knowledge? Would you like to be loved and nurtured? Would you risk a few dollars and a few hours to try something that works? Don’t you think your spouse is in the same pickle you are?

I know it’s hard to see your way out of this mess but I have seen couples come out of what they saw as hopeless situations and create the marriage they dreamed of. Don’t give up. You can do it, too!



By: Paul Friedman

About the Author: